Marriage & Growing in the Lord: Providing for Your Wife’s Needs

Dear Joe,

Before I continue, I want you to know that I have always
loved you and respected you. This love and respect have been separate from your
performance; nevertheless, it is real.

The following are perceptions of mine. I do not think they
have been automatic causes in your slowing down in your journey toward God, but
they have had some effect.

·      
You are competitive.

·      
You have been a perfectionist in the past.

·      
You have been a subject of flattery in the past.

·      
You have had a desire for wealth in the past.

·      
You were not spiritually ready when you got married, nor did
you catch up after you got married.

If these perceptions are true, so what? You and your wife
have had thousands of incidents in your life together that seem more important
than these six thoughts.

Whether she wanted these things or not, your wife needed
the following from you:

·      
She needed to be protected.

·      
She needed to be nourished and cherished.

·      
She needed to be taught and led by example
and from the Word.

·      
She needed to have boundaries.

You may not see the connection between the first list and
your wife’s needs. Here it is: the things in the first list have selfishness
in each of them, and the second require selflessness.

You have been focused on her needs, but not the ones you
should provide. You have focused on the kind you think need to be corrected in
her before you provide the others for her. This is the wrong way to look
at it. You need to focus on the providing.